YOU DID NOT FOLLOW OUR INSTRUCTIONS!
YOU MUST NOW BRING DOUBLE THE NUMBER OF BAGELS, PLACE THEM IN THE COMMON AREA, AND THEN LEAVE WITHOUT LOOKING BACK.
ELFIE WILL NOT BE ABLE TO HEAR YOU WITH NO EARS.
Thursday, December 7, 2006
Wednesday, December 6, 2006
Lone Wolf Red 138W-06
If you ever want to see “Elfie” again bring bagels (at least 2 cinnamon raisin and cream cheese) NLT Thursday December 7, 2006 to your place of work. Place the items in commonly used area and walk away. If you attempt to notify the authorities Elfie will suffer.
Day 2 continued...
It was worse than even I could have imagined. These reindeer were unlike any other I had ever seen before and I’m beginning to think this place isn’t the North Pole. The antlers on the “reindeer” were lacking as there were only 2 horn like objects attached to their heads. Also these “reindeer” were a lot more aggressive than I remember the likes of Dasher and gang (with the exception of that incident with Donder and Blitzen). I’m almost ashamed to say what happens next…let just say the antlers on these creatures are pretty sharp and I doubt there will be any sitting in my future. Last thing before I’m whisked away to the daily Elf talent contest, please meet any and all demands. I have to go I think I hear s…………
Day 2
I awoke to the sound of their singing. Why must they sing?! The work shifts are around the clock in the Great Toy Factory, but I managed to get a few hours of sleep. They say that the North Pole is truly the workers pardise, but conditions here are grim. They sing because they know they are trapped in a system of repression.
Soon a pair of burly elf guards apeeared at my cell, throwing a few stale christmas cookies at me. I tried to feign sleep, but it didn't work.
"Wake up!" one of them growled. He opened the cell and I was kicked with their slippered feet. They had little jingle bells on their toes, and those are really painful when you get kicked.
"Now you get best job in compound, hah!" snarled the guard.
"Yes, for to make welcome home to glorious North Pole! Workers Paradise!"
I already knew what that meant.
Yes. I'd be forced to wash the reindeer. All 8 of them.
Soon a pair of burly elf guards apeeared at my cell, throwing a few stale christmas cookies at me. I tried to feign sleep, but it didn't work.
"Wake up!" one of them growled. He opened the cell and I was kicked with their slippered feet. They had little jingle bells on their toes, and those are really painful when you get kicked.
"Now you get best job in compound, hah!" snarled the guard.
"Yes, for to make welcome home to glorious North Pole! Workers Paradise!"
I already knew what that meant.
Yes. I'd be forced to wash the reindeer. All 8 of them.
Tuesday, December 5, 2006
SEIZED
They are not treating me well. Today began as many other days, although I had to suffer through the unique indignity of having paste-on eyebrows and paper fangs. (The moustache isn't bad, though. I think it gives me a rakish appearance. )
So there I was, minding my business, gazing out at my cubicle home, when suddenly I was clubbed from behind by something heavy and jingly. The voices of my assailants were rough and uncultured. "Put him in the sack" one of them growled.
I was hit again, and I blacked out.
When I came to, I felt the freezing air on my face, and I heard the wind whistling past. All I could see from my vantage point amongst the presents was the grey sky of maryland. I then realized that we were several hundred feet in the air.
They'd done it- the FEPP (Fugitive Elf Protection Program) had failed me. I was going back to the North Pole... back to work in the slave labor camps.
I could just imagine Santa's evil laugh as he realized just who he'd brought back.
It would sound kind of like "ho ho ho.."
So there I was, minding my business, gazing out at my cubicle home, when suddenly I was clubbed from behind by something heavy and jingly. The voices of my assailants were rough and uncultured. "Put him in the sack" one of them growled.
I was hit again, and I blacked out.
When I came to, I felt the freezing air on my face, and I heard the wind whistling past. All I could see from my vantage point amongst the presents was the grey sky of maryland. I then realized that we were several hundred feet in the air.
They'd done it- the FEPP (Fugitive Elf Protection Program) had failed me. I was going back to the North Pole... back to work in the slave labor camps.
I could just imagine Santa's evil laugh as he realized just who he'd brought back.
It would sound kind of like "ho ho ho.."
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