They are not treating me well. Today began as many other days, although I had to suffer through the unique indignity of having paste-on eyebrows and paper fangs. (The moustache isn't bad, though. I think it gives me a rakish appearance. )
So there I was, minding my business, gazing out at my cubicle home, when suddenly I was clubbed from behind by something heavy and jingly. The voices of my assailants were rough and uncultured. "Put him in the sack" one of them growled.
I was hit again, and I blacked out.
When I came to, I felt the freezing air on my face, and I heard the wind whistling past. All I could see from my vantage point amongst the presents was the grey sky of maryland. I then realized that we were several hundred feet in the air.
They'd done it- the FEPP (Fugitive Elf Protection Program) had failed me. I was going back to the North Pole... back to work in the slave labor camps.
I could just imagine Santa's evil laugh as he realized just who he'd brought back.
It would sound kind of like "ho ho ho.."
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